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Fratelli And Oz Face Off In High Stakes Senate Debate
The race between Dr. Mehmet Oz, a Republican, and newcomer Sloth Fratelli, a Democrat, coalesced tonight in a brutal but crucial face off for control of the Senate.
Philadelphia, PA. — Republican Dr. Mehmet Oz and Democrat Lotney “Sloth” Fratelli both claimed victory tonight after a heated and almost violent debate between the two candidates.
Early in the debate, Oz hit the newcomer hard with an opening blow exposing Mr. Fratelli’s seedy past, linking the candidate to his family’s criminal history.
“Mr. Fratelli comes from a long line of criminals, known counterfeiters, and murderers, imprisoned after tormenting children in Oregon back in the eighties,” said Oz.
“How can the people of Pennsylvania trust someone of this pedigree?”
The Fratelli crime family, led by matriarch Louise “Mama” Fratelli, was a criminal organization that peaked in the 1980s. Fratelli’s mother and two brothers, Jake and Francis, are currently serving a life sentence for organized criminal activity and child endangerment.
Sloth Fratelli fired back with an astounding, “Oz! You been bad.” The large man then proceeded to pull a candy bar from his pocket, remove the wrapper, and swallow the treat whole.
“Baby Ruth! Baby Ruth,” said the Democrat as he attempted to smear Dr. Oz with regard to his stance on abortion.
For the most part, Oz sat back while Fratelli bumbled through answers and lengthy diatribes about pirates, gold, something called a Goonie, and his best friend Chunk.
Lawrence “Chunk” Cohen, Fratelli’s best friend and campaign manager, could be seen devouring a tub of Rocky Road while dancing the “Truffle Shuffle” just off stage.
HEY YOU GUYS!
Dr. Oz next brought up the Fratelli campaign slogan, HEY YOU GUYS, which he said, “confuses and alienates female voters in the state.”
When challenged, Fratelli appeared to be too busy to respond as he attempted to jump rope on stage, eventually tangling himself up and almost falling into the moderators’ table.
A Tight Race
This week, polls in the state of Pennsylvania show Fratelli leading by a small margin, which could prove a challenge for the Republican candidate, Dr. Oz. Some say that good looks and charisma play a part on the political battlefield but recent polls show otherwise.
* It’s Satire, Stupid! 🤡
Now Let’s Learn The Story Behind the Satire
Upon first glance, John Fetterman looks just like Sloth from the Goonies. I know, we’re assholes, and assholes need to shit all over everything, which is our specialty here at Clown Pilled News.
Fetterman is a perfect example of how the left will do and say anything they can to gain and control power. He’s proof that Democrat leadership will also use and abuse anyone, regardless of health, just to gain a majority in the House, Senate, and even the Presidency.
They want power!
There’s no doubt that this man has gone through a tragedy, and our little clown hearts feel bad for him, which is why he should step down and focus on healing. Our country is going through a crisis right now and we need people in government that are of sound mind, body, and soul, of which he has neither.
Fetterman is just another puppet that they can’t wait to control. If elected, he won’t even need to think for himself. This is what they want. He’ll just receive his marching orders and execute like a good little soldier.
We can’t accept that. Therefore, we’re going to mock the shit out of this guy.
Plus, we’re big-time Goonies fans here at Clown Pilled News. I think Pickles the Clown has watched that movie about 300-6000 times in the past year alone. At some point, we’ll need to get a new VHS copy because this one’s starting to wear the fuck out.
Fetterman is an unfit leftist, full-woke, liberal candidate for senate, and because of his medical issues, it’s absurd that he hasn’t backed out of the race, and that’s why we wrote this piece of satire.