The Clown News Network Is Ramping Up Coverage

The Clown News Network has ramped up its war coverage now that Russia's war on Ukraine has been in full gear for several days now.

The Clown News Network Is Ramping Up Coverage

Atlanta, GA (Clown Pilled News) - The Clown News Network has ramped up its war coverage now that Russia's war on Ukraine has been in full gear for several days now. The network's uncanny ability to feed data to unintelligent viewers is a godsend in today's technical and frankly over-saturated world of big data. Follow the data, whatever that means.

Americans don't have time to collect, parse, bucket, cut in half, double, split, realign, normalize, or denormalize the data. Honestly, we're not even sure what half of those technical terms mean let alone how to perform said operations. Good thing we have "competent" news organizations that are obviously WAY smarter than us simple-minded viewers, to handle the hard stuff like reading and counting.

Simplified Fear

Another great advantage to these networks providing this information, instead of viewers doing research and learning, is that the viewers don't know what to fear or how to fear. It's the job of the mainstream media to do the heavy lifting of fear-mongering. As simpletons with no skills or ability to comprehend world events, people need organizations like the Clown News Network to simplify fear. Give us a gauge or a simple dial. Remember the good old days of the Homeland Security Advisory System?

Didn't it seem like every day was an orange day?

Should we be in fear or not, that's the real question that only the mainstream media can answer, and whatever you do, never ever trust your own feelings or intuition because more than likely it's wrong. Just ask one of the head clowns over at the Clown News Network, Bryan Seltzer. Fun fact, he got that name because he likes to ride around on a unicycle and spray seltzer into people's faces. Bryan's seltzer. I think he's trying to bottle it and shill for cash.

Bryan Seltzer the Clown, got his name because he likes to ride around on a unicycle and spray seltzer into people's faces.

With the State of the Honk address happening tomorrow, there will for sure be plenty of discussion around the topic of nukes. Make sure you tune into the Clown News Network because mindless consumers of media, like you the reader, need a solid understanding of the following:

• Nukes

• Nuke counts

• Nuke death counts

• Countries with nukes

• Who has nuclear footballs

• Who has nuclear soccer balls

• Who has nuclear baseballs

• How do nukes feel when they hit you?

• Who do you call when you see a nuke?

• Where do nukes live?

• How many nukes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

UPDATE 3:02 AM: We have acquired shocking footage from a Russian nuclear testing facility showing the total destruction and annihilation that can be the result of a Russian nuke.

Russia nuke testing facility

* It's Satire Stupid! 🤡

Now Lets Learn The Story Behind the Satire

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