Snake Eyes Breaks Silence After 40 years, Thinks ‘Hitler’s A Swell Guy’

Even Storm Shadow was like, “Bruh!”

Snake Eyes, the silent commando. May have messed up yesterday.

Austin, TX — Snake Eyes, the silent commando and self-proclaimed ninja, made a surprise visit to The Alex Jones show on InfoWars yesterday, and boy, did he make a splash. A splash so big, even Shipwreck was like, “Throw him a life preserver!”

He may have single-handedly broken the internet.

“Raaah! Throw him a life preserver!” - Polly

The notoriously silent member of G.I Joe broke his silence with long arching diatribes about life, love, and, shockingly, Hitler.

Jones appeared to have trouble wrangling the ninja around comments like “Hitler did some good things” and “I love Hitler. He was a swell guy.”

The interview lasted for nearly three hours. Some had this to say:

“That’s one nuke I’m not touching!” - Cobra Commander, evil terrorist

“It’ll be a cold day in hell before I work with that guy again.” - Sub-Zero, G.I. Joe Team’s winter operations specialist.

In the aftermath, most G.I. Joe team members disavowed the commando. Lady Jay and Scarlett went on The View, and both women called him a “Nazi piece of shit.”

Snake Eyes apparently tried reaching out to Duke on his DMs but was ghosted. Flint tracked the warrior to a California Whole Food and tried to kick his ass but left with a black eye and a bruised ego due to Snake Eyes’ superior ninja skills.

Tripwire was the only member willing to talk to Snake Eyes and help his friend. “I was willing to help him navigate this self-inflicted minefield,” said the mine detection specialist, “But I just couldn’t get him to talk.”

Today, back at cobra command, Snake Eyes apparently broke into the facility and tried to track down Zartan, but the assassin slipped into a disguise and pretended to be a house plant, thwarting the Ninja’s attempt to talk.

Even Destro sent Snake Eyes calls straight to voicemail.

We’ll keep you updated as the story progresses.

*It’s Satire, Stupid! 🤡