Did Matt Damon Go Off The Deep End Last Week?
Did Matt Damon Go Off The Deep End Last Week?
From stealing luggage, not once but twice, to dressing so over the top and shaving his head. He’s doing shit that would make even Britney Spears cringe.
Hollywood, CA — Like the long list of celebrities before him, we’re worried that Matt Damon may have gone off the deep end. There have been sightings of the celebrity, and some say he’s now a bald non-binary nuclear secretary that wears lipstick and a dress and goes by the name of Sam. We’re not sure if it’s the need for validation or the rampant pedophilia of the industry that pushes a once-stable person over the edge, but damn sometimes we guess you just gotta “wild out” every now and again. Now, if there's one thing we do know, it’s that when someone goes batshit crazy, we’ll be there to cover it. 🤡🌎
From stealing luggage, not once but twice, to dressing so over the top and shaving his head. He’s doing shit that would make even Britney Spears cringe.
Our message to the struggling actor:
Matt, you’re not an energy secretary. It was like an honorary title. The White House gave it to you as a joke or to make you feel special or something. This isn’t your next role. This isn’t real-life Elysium. Okay.
Listen to us, and we know crazy, by the way, just take our cousin Kookie the Clown. That dude’s nutter than squirrel poo. We all knew it since clown preschool, where he’d eat paste by the bucket. We tried to tell Aunt Scoots and Uncle Krusty, but they wouldn't listen. I digress.
It’s going to be ALL okay. Just go get in your yacht and chillax for like two months, and get it out of your system. This is NOT a good look. Okay, buddy. We want another Good Will Hunting and the Departed, not Stuck on You.
*It’s Satire, Stupid! 🤡