BREAKING NEWS: Desantis & Abbott Bussing Kindergarteners To Arizona To Help Count Votes
"I know my numbers. I like to count, it's as easy as 1-2-3," said one little girl ready to help.
Phoenix, AZ — Busses of well-documented children have arrived in Phoenix, Arizona, today, where the mid-term election vote count has crawled to the slowest pace in US history.
Without this help, we may never know who won in Arizona.
We caught up with one cute little girl showing Arizona election officials how to count the votes, showing that it’s incredibly straightforward. Unfortunately, officials were unable to grasp such an advanced concept.
The kindergarten-aged children have been practicing their ABCs and 123s and are believed to be the best in the country. The latter, with help from prestigious mathematician Count Von Count. That’s why governors Ron DeSantis (R-FL) and Greg Abbot (R-TX) decided to send help.
In a statement released this morning, “The state of Arizona consists of election officials that appear to be sedated and unhurried. That’s why we got on the phone and came up with a solution to help the state get that tally across the finish line. As you know Florida and Texas has the highest math scores in the country, so we knew we had an opportunity to show the world how it’s done.”
Without this help, we may never know who won in Arizona. Mainstream media estimates we’ll see the final results once all votes are counted, sometime around the summer of 2025.
Some find this unacceptable, like candidate Kari Lake who’s been chomping at the bit to turn the state around.
“I spent a ton of money trying to win an election. I feel like if you’re gonna be in an election, you should probably learn the results before the term is over.” — Keri Lake
This makes sense to us, but then again, we live in the Clown World.
* It’s Satire, Stupid! 🤡
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